made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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