Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
