this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
