i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
