he wants to bone in the snuggie
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
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There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
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I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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