apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
