he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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