I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
