If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
