Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
