The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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