Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize