My hand turned me down
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
