Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
