You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
