I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
