So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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