it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
