You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
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