what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
