If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
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