Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
so explain again why im purple
no
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
