I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
