New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
