No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
