I think my vagina is haunted
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
There are leaves in my underwear?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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