Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
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He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
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Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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