Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
