dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
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I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
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sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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