I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
