RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Randomize
