I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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