i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
