i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
im six kinds of drunk right now
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
