Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
