I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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