so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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