anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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