instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Randomize
