Define "chronic" masturbator.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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