I wish my penis had an off switch
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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