I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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