It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
