I didn't shave. On purpose
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
