I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Randomize
