I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
