I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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