I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
