and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
now i know why i became what i already was.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
