help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
