i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
