wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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