There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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