just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
