i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
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