dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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