Porn is love you can see.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
