I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
