So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
