I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
