My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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