dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
be right there i have to get my cape
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
