yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
