don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
