I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Randomize
