On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
