the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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