You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
