It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
