Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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