Need sex. Gaining weight.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
You pole danced in your parka.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
