so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
