she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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