Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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