I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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