i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
