You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
