If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
