i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
