mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
