just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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