What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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