Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
we made out on top of his cat.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
she pinky promised me she was 18
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
