your parents love me but you hate me
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
