If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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