Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize
