you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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